genre: romance, humor
word count: 1623
summary: Kyuhyun hates zippers. He hates them as much as he does Sungmin.
a/n: Uh. No, this is not the prison fic update. This is just crack that happened a few days ago. It was really awkward though. Unbeta’d crap.
When Kyuhyun woke up to the noise of his alarm, the first thing he did was jump happily on his bed a few times with his hands in the air. Usually at this time of the day, Sungmin would’ve scolded him, and Jungsoo-hyung would’ve barged in the room to drag his ass off the mattress for breakfast. It was half-past ten in the morning and no one was nagging him to go do obligations.
This was the life he deserved.
He didn’t fix his beddings and he drank straight from the milk carton. He browsed the internet for a while, checking his hyungs’ schedules. When he was sure that all of them wouldn’t be home until four in the afternoon, he started to play Starcraft.
After more than two hours of Zerg rushes, he forced himself from his laptop and found himself in the kitchen. There was no remorse as he ate all the pudding Ryeowook made the previous night. Kyuhyun remembered the emphasis on hunger-discipline Ryeowook was yapping about as he stored the dessert in the fridge, but he paid no heed to it as he devoured the gastric delight. “I’ll say Cacao ate it,” he grinned to himself as he dumped the plate on the sink.
When the clock stroke one, Kyuhyun stretched his extremities and scratched his ass, making a decision to take a long, nice bath. He entered the bathroom with a skip to his walk, and without even bothering to get a towel and closing the door, he turned on the shower and started stripping. His shirt came off first, and he threw it without a care.
There was a loud splash and he knew he was fucked. The shirt had landed inside the toilet bowl, and what once was its pristine white color was now tainted with a bright yellow one.
There was only one person in this floor who always forgot to flush.
“Hyukjae-hyung,” Kyuhyun bit out, and he contemplated if was still able to salvage the shirt. He shook his head and told himself to just get it out after his bath. He prepared to take off his jeans and with one rushed tug at the zipper, Kyuhyun gave out a loud cry that would have made howler monkeys proud.
“Sungmin-sshi, your phone is ringing,” the manager said as he knocked on the door of the recording studio, the vibrating phone in his hands.
Sungmin stepped out of the room and closed the door behind him with a slight smile on his face. He was halfway done through sixth album recordings with Youngwoon, and there was nothing that could spoil his day. “Who is it?” he asked as he was handed the mobile.
“Kyuhyun,” his superior shrugged and stalked off to monitor the other members’ progress. Sungmin found it hard to believe because the maknae never really called except if it was an emergency. Just getting him to hold his cellular phone was a miracle in itself. Sungmin inhaled to prepare himself for what Kyuhyun had in store for him.
“S-Sungmin-hyung?” Kyuhyun’s voice came off as a falsetto through the speakers, and Sungmin didn’t know why.
“Is there an emergency?”
There was a long pause and Sungmin had thought that Kyuhyun had hung up when a pitchy voice sounded once again, “Yes. There is an emergency… and would you please… please come home now?”
“Is this one of your pranks, Kyu?” the aegyo king inquired, because coincidentally, it was Friday and Friday was always the day he got maimed by Kyuhyun.
“It’s not. I need you now, okay? Please just tell me you’ll go home right this instant?”
It wasn't even a minute before Sungmin found himself in his car, driving back to the dormitory.
Truthfully, when Sungmin was walking from the parking lot to the elevators, he expected some sort of mess. Kyuhyun was terribly chaotic whenever he was alone in their floor, so maybe he wrecked the kitchen again. Or maybe the toilet got clogged. Or whatever it was, it was something that would affect everybody who lived in their floor. He braced himself for the worst when he entered the dorm and called for his roommate.
“Hey Kyu, where are you?” he shouted, and he was honestly surprised at the state of the rooms. Nothing was really out of place except for the dirty plates in the kitchen sink and the opened refrigerator door.
Sungmin entered the bathroom and saw a hunched up silhouette on the other side of the shower screen door. “There you are, Kyu, why weren’t you answering me?” He opened the screen door and was just about to touch Kyuhyun when the latter spoke, “Don’t touch me.”
“W-What? And why are you wearing pants in the shower?”
Kyuhyun breathed deeply and kept his back to Sungmin. “Just… what happened here will not be known to the hyungs.”
Sungmin feared that their maknae might have had a breakdown over something. “Kyuhyun, what… what happened?”
He expected tears. Whining, maybe? A few sobs and confessions would do.
Instead, when the younger man turned around, the last thing Sungmin was ready for was Kyuhyun’s dick caught in his zipper. The skin was held tight by the closed teeth of the zipper, and Kyuhyun looked like he wanted to die right then and there.
Sungmin knew it hurt. He’d never tried it before, but just looking at it hurt. But he was only human and before long, his laughter echoed within the four walls of the bathroom. He heard Kyuhyun growl at him but he only guffawed harder. After tears had collected in the corners of his eyes, he straightened up to see the maknae glaring at him.
“I assume this is also the perk of always going commando?” Sungmin snickered as he thought of the many reasons why Kyuhyun never wore underwear.
“Shut the fuck up. Just… tell me what to do so I can get the damn thing off!”
“I’ve never had my dick caught in a zipper, Kyu.” Saying it aloud was very amusing to Sungmin.
“Accidents happen, okay?!” Kyuhyun hollered, and when he moved to stand properly, the zipper only bit more onto his skin and he wailed.
Willing the laughter away, Sungmin tried to reach out. “Maybe I can get it out with a little pull-”
“Fuck no. There is no way you are getting to touch my fucking dick!”
“Oh you whiny bitch, it’s nothing I’ve never touched before!”
Kyuhyun bit his lip because Sungmin did have a point. He sighed and pinched his nose as he took a step forward and kneeled. “Make it quick,” he muttered, his cheeks turning a flaming red.
Sungmin grinned at him and washed his hands before he too knelt down, and he placed his right hand over the zipper and the other one over Kyuhyun’s cock. When he gave a small tug, Kyuhyun jerked off with a howl.
“Fuck, if the whole fucking skin gets peeled off-”
“Kyu, your dick isn’t a fucking banana!” Sungmin said impatiently.
“Then maybe I won’t help you anymore.”
“Wait… no, okay! Just… warn me! Count to three and then pull, so that I’d be fucking ready,” the maknae hissed as he dragged his fingers over his hair.
Sungmin nodded sarcastically as he took hold of the victimized dick once more. He started counting down from three and by the time he said one, Kyuhyun had given another cry.
“I wasn’t even done counting!”
“It was getting tense! Just... give me another chance!”
And the cycle went on for about fifteen more minutes. Sungmin’s blood was boiling and Kyuhyun was ready to be swallowed up by the floor. The older one’s hand wrapped abruptly around the head of Kyuhyun’s cock and he almost pulled when Kyuhyun screamed, “FUCK IF YOU DECAPITATE IT-”
“Penises can’t be decapitated!”
“There are firsts for everything!”
“You know what? This isn’t going to work. You’re a total drama queen. Take it on like a fucking man,” Sungmin told the frightened maknae with a frustrated tone. Without a warning of any sort, he ripped Kyuhyun’s dick off the zipper, triggering an ear-splitting wail from the man.
When the man wouldn’t stop crying, Sungmin flicked his forehead. “It’s intact, Kyu, your dick is safe and sound.”
And it actually was. It looked decent, with a small cut at the side. It wasn’t even bleeding copiously, Sungmin noticed. He moved to plant a kiss on the cut, and even took the liberty of licking off the tiny specks of blood that adorned it. Kyuhyun cringed and shoved Sungmin away when the latter started to go overboard. He petted his dick momentarily before he pushed Sungmin out the bathroom without even a statement of gratitude.
“Where’s my fucking thank you?” Sungmin slammed his fists on the door when it was closed in his face.
“The hyungs will never know about this, okay? This never happened!” Kyuhyun replied from inside the bathroom.
Sungmin only kicked the door in retaliation.
When Kyuhyun opened the bathroom door, Jungsoo was suddenly all over him.
“I heard, Kyuhyun! Oh my god, we should let your pee-pee get checked!”
The laughter of the members around him was a memory he would like to forget. Especially Sungmin’s because it was the loudest.
So how about it? Don’t kill me?